My Time at Mt. Baldy Zen Center

What does it mean when staring at the floor for long periods of time becomes the most interesting way imaginable to spend one's time?

At the 1987 Seminars on Buddhism, Roshi made a mark on the chalkboard and said, "What is this?" He held up a piece of chalk and said, "What is this?" He then said that "What is this?" is a koan and that a monk spent 20 years studying this koan. This resonated with me and seemed appropriate as well as exciting.

I officially entered a Zen Center on September 1, 1987 at the age of 23 and with the exception of a couple months one summer left on March 21, 2002 at the age of 38. In the back of my mind I was hoping to stay for a full twenty years, like the twenty years the monk spent on that koan.

A fond memory of training at Mt. Baldy was being Shoji in the winter. One snowy Sesshin I would sleep next to the door. At the sound of the alarm push on the door with my arm, if the door opened more sleep, if not get up and shovel snow.

The kitchen was a great place of practice for me. During a training period, the more time I would spend there, the larger and larger the kitchen would become until it was a complete universe unto itself. Certain sensibilities can be obtained there which are applicable to all circumstances.

Male/female, life/death, and past/future are all imperfect manifestations which perfect plus and perfect minus temporarily become as a phase of their doing. Now this is an exciting notion to contemplate, isn't it? One could say that we are all marionettes on the stage of male/female, life/death, and past/future. To do Zazen is to penetrate the principle, which causes us to jerk about like marionettes. When one comes to sense this, Zazen becomes important, interesting, and fun.

It is hard for me to gauge how my years at Mt.Baldy changed me. I am thankful that training at Mt. Baldy teaches one to take the initiative with the death activity. To know only affirmation and avoidance of negation looks like a person trying to walk on one leg.

Last weekend I was observing some birds soaring, soaring, soaring way, way, way up high above me. At Mt. Baldy one is educated that when one sees a bird flying, as difficult as it may be to imagine, it is possible to actually become that bird and to fly with it, and this flying is the activity of the cosmos. I vow to always endeavor to realize this more deeply and will always be deeply grateful to Mt. Baldy Zen Center and Joshu Roshi for such a fine education.

Tokuju Genshu, Osho
of the Williamsburg Zen Center (written for a Mt. Baldy newsletter)